


Stopwatch

by loser1419, unloyalstan



Series: junhwan celebration 2019 [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Read the warnings, happy junhwan day!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 02:25:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19053346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loser1419/pseuds/loser1419, https://archiveofourown.org/users/unloyalstan/pseuds/unloyalstan
Summary: Based on the prompt: "Stop trying to save me" - Junhoe to Jinhwan.Happy Junhwan day my loves!





	Stopwatch

**Author's Note:**

> hello! happy junhwan day! my friend, unloyalstan, asked for prompts before on twitter just so she could get inspired to write something for junhwan. it's been a while since i last wrote, so pardon me for any lapses along the short way!

_ 45 minutes. _

Jinhwan woke up with a start. He quickly glanced at the clock on his bedside table which read that it's already 8 30 AM, and though still out of breath from his earlier nightmare, he sat up immediately, remembering that he only had 45 minutes left before his supposed meeting with Junhoe at their favorite cafe.

He woke up earlier today, thanks to his increasingly haunting nightmare each passing day. It was just a scene when it all started, and then another scene would be added after a day, and now, his dream had grown into a full nightmare. It even felt too real sometimes, so Jinhwan had to always remind himself after he woke up  that it's all just in his head, and that he still have time left to change  _ it _ .

However early he was, 45 minutes was still not enough for Jinhwan. He woke up with an allowance of 40 minutes last time, and yet, he still failed to arrive on time. 5 minutes could give him an advantage though, and for that, he tried to be positive.

Well, as positive as someone that had been continuously losing against time. Jinhwan was aware that he got no time to mope around because through the recent whirlwind of events, he learned to just cope on what was given to him. He was given a choice to take it or lose it. He's here now, as a result of his decision, and he's determined to make the most out of the chance that was given to him.

 

_ 44 minutes _ .

Hyperaware of the incessant ticking of the clock that seemed to mock him for every wasted second, Jinhwan rushed out of his room and to his kitchen, skipping his breakfast and settling on just brushing his teeth and splashing his face with some water because based on the previous days too, sitting down to eat his bagel will cause him more minutes to lose.

He could still make do without any food in his stomach-- he survived the earlier times, and he'll also survive today. Considering that today is a very  _ special _ day, Jinhwan was in dire need to save minutes as much as possible and he's not about to lose it by munching on some cheap pastry.

He can't fuck up now. Not anymore. This was his remaining chance and he's putting everything at stake to make things work this time.

 

_ 40 minutes. _

Jinhwan spat out the contents in his mouth, gargled under running water, and once done, went back to his room to change his clothes. He easily maneuvered through the mess on his floor, already used to it after tripping enough times. He then pulled the nearest and most convenient clothing, which was unsurprisingly a gift from Junhoe's-- a simple and comfortable looking pullover. He easily discarded his loose shirt and put the clothing on with practiced ease.

Deeming his pants acceptable enough for public viewing, Jinhwan went straight to his drawers in order to retrieve the most important thing before he could go out.

 

_ 38 minutes. _

Skincare was the last thing on Jinhwan's mind now, as he pushed all the products away in his first drawer, searching in a frenzy for that old watch along with a pocket sized calendar. He found it in no time and shut his drawer off, uncaring if he broke it or not, only stopping momentarily to stare at the red  _ thirty nine _ cross marks on the boxes of the current month.

With labored breaths, Jinhwan pulled out the red pen from the side of the calendar, and then he's marking the  _ fortieth _ cross with his shaking hand.

Jinhwan let himself stare at the bright mark for a couple of seconds, before he's standing up from where he's sitting at his bed, the old watch on his right hand and his cellphone on his left hand. He's finally ready to go.

He'll make it this time. He's sure of it.

  
  


_ 33 minutes _ .

Jinhwan's phone vibrated inside his pocket, signalling that he received a message, just after he removed the padlock of his bicycle. He had long stopped checking it, already knowing the contents of the short message, as he instead got ready to go. The message will just contain Junhoe informing him that he'll arrive early at their meeting place anyway, and Jinhwan already knew that that's why he's rushing to get there now. Replying to him would be useless, because stubborn as always Junhoe wouldn't take any other suggestions if he already put his mind onto something.

Taking the bus or booking a taxi will take Jinhwan longer than expected to get to the cafe-- an info that he gathered through the trial and error opportunities, and he's already tried all the possible means of transportation except for the bike. He's taking a huge risk by choosing to ride his bike-- un untested choice, but he already ran out of possible options. He never really thought about walking as a choice, because he wouldn't want to passt out in the middle of the streets, would he?

 

_ 30 minutes _ .

Jinhwan received another message moments after he started on pedaling, which was very unexpected since it didn't happen before. This was the first time. He was more than sure that the sender was Junhoe, and the  said man would just usually send one message, but this time, a second one was surprising even to Jinhwan. He was curious on the content of the message, but his urgency to arrive earlier at the cafe overrode it.

The message could wait until later, but Junhoe can't. Jinhwan supposed that whatever it was, it wouldn't be more important than him meeting Junhoe.

  
  
  


_ 8 minutes _ .

Jinhwan threw his bicycle aside when he finally reached  the cafe, ignoring the grumbles of the pedestrians about  _ 'rowdy teenagers who can't even park their bikes properly'.  _ He pulled the old watch out of his pocket, the same time as when the bell chimed to signal his arrival, relief washing over his entire body upon knowing that he still have ten minutes left.

A lot more time than what he expected. Maybe he could even persuade Junhoe to move to a different place. If he had already known that biking would result to this, then he would have had chosen it right from the start.

But regrets will just be as that-- regrets. There's no use in blaming his stupid mind anymore. At least, for the last time, he made it work.

 

_ 7 minutes. _

Upon entering the cafe, Jinhwan found Junhoe easily-- already knowing the younger's chosen seat and table at heart. He had that information imprinted in his own soul, and now that he was finally here-- finally going to meet Junhoe after days of multiple failures, his last ounce of willpower seemed to have left his body. He wanted to cry right then and there at the mere sight of the most important person in his life, but he can't do it. Not yet.

He can't breakdown now. Not until he could sit at the opposite seat of Junhoe, where he was intended to be at in the first place. He worked so hard just to be here now, and he's not about to lose it over him lamely breaking down in the middle of the cafe.

His legs felt like jelly and he almost stumbled on his steps if it wasn't for the kind lady who steadied him before he could have his face planted on the ground. Jinhwan waved his hand in dismissal at the worried tone of the lady asking him if he's quite alright, his eyes still not living the lone figure seated beside the glass window in fear of him suddenly vanishing right before his eyes.

 

_ 6 minutes _ .

Jinhwan walked towards Junhoe, who was still unaware of his presence. The short distance felt so long, but that would probably be accounted to the fact that he could finally feel his entire body shutting down due to the build up fatigue from the previous failures.

But it's okay. Everything's okay. For as long as Junhoe was right within his reach, everything felt right again.

Jinhwan walked down, his smile watery, and everything felt surreal. The more he came nearer towards the lone figure, the more it became harder for him to hold his tears at bay, no matter how much he tried to keep it in. His vision started to blur too, but he blinked them all away because he wanted to see Junhoe's face clearly, wanted to remember his every features, wanted to drink in every bit of details of him.

 

_ 4 minutes _ .

Jinhwan pulled the vacant chair and sat in front of the unaware male, as he wiped the stubborn tear that escaped on his eye, forcing the corners of his lips to lift in order to resemble a smile as a greeting for Junhoe. 

It didn't take too long before Junhoe was tearing his eyes away from his worn out poem book, pulling his earbuds off and smiling in a way that could melt even the iciest hearts, and as if on cue, Jinhwan finally let the floodgates open because this is it, he finally arrived on time and Junhoe is  _ finally _ in front of him, in flesh, and smiling.

Heaven knew how much he longed to see that same bright smile every single day. The same smile that put one on his own lips, and the same smile that encouraged him to live, when everything in his life fucked up. He had long accepted how much the younger meant to him, how much he held him dearly in his heart, and the sheer amount of feelings involved had been the subject of his constant distress before but not now. He's not afraid now.

He's laying all his cards on the table for Junhoe. He had been devastated when the  _ accident _ first happened, mind filled with so much what  _ ifs _ and regrets that tormented him every time he's both awake and sleeping, but the destiny. The dear, old, merciful destiny must had decided to take pity on him because he's given another chance to change it all.

He's given forty days. 40 chances, 40 days of trying, 40 days of the same repeated scenario, and if Jinhwan succeeded on whatever it was that he's planning to do, then the result will permanently reflect on the current day.

_ But _ , if he failed to do anything within the time limit, then every bit of his memory with Junhoe will be erased. Gone, as if the younger man didn't existed in his life. Forgotten, and wiped from everyone's mind.

Jinhwan had treated the entire set up as a joke when the old watch and calendar first appeared on his drawer along with a note that explained the process. He had laughed, and cried thereafter because who would make such a cruel joke and make him hope like that? Junhoe was gone, and Jinhwan had never been on the superstitious type to believe that such a thing existed.

He had still experimentally clicked on the ragged button of the old watch though, on one night where his anger towards everything just skyrocketed and he wanted to direct it on something else. He clicked on the button, and then after an audible snap out of nowhere, he found himself waking up on the same day of that fated day--  _ June 1, 2019, 9: 00AM _

Witnessing the same accident that claimed the life of Junhoe, watching it in his own eyes had broken him again, tore him into tiny little pieces. He wasn't ready to see it again. He screamed his lungs out but it never brought Junhoe's life back. It never stopped the car from crashing straight through the cafe.

The first day passed like that, and the second, and the third, but no amount of screaming and crying could bring Junhoe back. He had treated it as a curse, helplessly watching as Junhoe got ran over by the car because he had been late. It continued like that for at least 7 days, until Jinhwan was reminded on why was he even stuck in limbo in the first place.

The realization and guilt came back in full waves, because Junhoe died and the tragedy happened due to the fact that Jinhwan woke up and arrived late. He had the means to change everything now, his what ifs wouldn't be just a series of  _ what ifs,  _ and with the memories of Junhoe at stake,

For the remaining days that he had, Jinhwan tried to use  various methods in order to save time but nothing ever worked, because in every way available, there seemed to be an obstacle underway. He can't stop the driver from driving under the influence and crashing his car on the cafe, and he can't convince Junhoe to come later to the cafe because he's only given the time after he had woken up.

For 32 days, Jinhwan had tried several times and failed continuously, until today, his last remaining day. Everything worked, and he finally arrived on time. His last chance could change everything.

 

_ 3 minutes. _

Through days of failures, Jinhwan had only seen a brief view of the younger man. His last remaining attempts had been the longest one, but not long enough for him to cross the road and pull Junhoe out of the cafe before the car could strike him.

He's here now,  _ God _ , he's finally here so he's reaching for Junhoe's hands, tugging him into a standing position despite his tears. Junhoe remained his ground, his grip on Jinhwan's hand growing tight with every helpless tug. Jinhwan forced himself to speak, mind conjuring up a coherent sentence to convince the younger man to move but it's hard. He had already prepared himself to be sane when he'll finally meet him, but every preparation was thrown out the window the moment he sat himself on this chair.

"Let's go, please." Jinhwan sobbed out, a little louder than necessary for he's sure that he had just made a few heads of the customers look in their direction. He wiped his eyes that had been blurry because of his nonstop tears, and Junhoe's concerned face came into clear view once Jinhwan blinked it open.

"What happened?" Junhoe asked gently, and Jinhwan felt another batch of fresh tears pool at the corners of his eyes. A lot of things had transpired ever since Junhoe's accident, and if he'll try to explain it into anyone then he's sure that he'll come out as the crazy guy. 

Junhoe lifted his hand to wipe a tear that streamed down his cheek, and the look of pure concern from the younger had squeezed Jinhwan's already battered heart. "Why are you crying?"

 

_ The old watch ticked loudly. 2 minutes. _

Jinhwan heard it, and he's once again reminded of how little time was left before it will all happen again. Junhoe didn't look like he's going anywhere, and Jinhwan was honestly expecting this kind of reaction when he's still trying to come up with different scenarios that would probably happen if he'll successfully have the chance to meet the younger again.

Of course he had also thought of Junhoe being saved from that accident, but it seemed like all the probable endings only lead to one thing. The destiny must have had also just one ending for them, and made it look like he had choices to choose from.

That kind of ending was the biggest what  _ if _ and regret that had troubled Jinhwan ever since the tragic accident. If choosing this kind of ending for them was considered a challenge, then destiny be damned because he'll still gladly choose  _ it _ in a heartbeat. He had his doubts and hopes that they'll end on a different and much happier note, but happy endings are for fairytales, and this tragedy was for the real life.

Jinhwan heaved a couple of deep breaths to compose himself, his mind coming to a firm decision. It took him more seconds before he could finally look straight at Junhoe's frowning face without the tears blocking his vision, and then he's pulling his hands away from Junhoe's tight grip in order for him to move his chair just so he could sit side by side with the said man.

Wordlessly and almost painfully, Jinhwan wrapped his arms around the worried male, but despite the confusion, Junhoe instantly returned the hug. Their positions were quite awkward, given that they both have to twist their body in order to accommodate their hug, but Jinhwan wouldn't want it any other way. He buried his face on the crook of Junhoe's neck, letting out a shaky exhale as he squeezes his eyes shut, mentally counting down the seconds left for the both of them.

It seemed like even after all the crying that he did for the past weeks wasn't enough for his tears to run dry because he began to shed silent tears again. He almost forgot how it felt like to be wrapped inside the younger's warm and secure embrace, and how easy it was to melt inside of the strong arms.

Junhoe ran his hand soothingly on his back in a way that would usually always calm Jinhwan down whenever he's having breakdowns in the past, and then, much to Jinhwan's utter surprise, began to talk in that deep but soft voice of his.

" _ Why did you still come here?" _

 

_ Another tick. 30 seconds. _

Jinhwan sniffled, as he clutched Junhoe close to him. Time is running out.

"Because it's me who told you to meet you here remember?" He replied, voice a little muffled, "I was just late before, but I came here on time now."

"Did you not receive my second text?"

Jinhwan remembered him receiving another vibration earlier. That must be it. The message was really from Junhoe. "I did. But I didn't have time to check it."

Junhoe hummed in lieu of an answer, and Jinhwan had immediately caught on the fact that Junhoe was probably given the knowledge of understanding the current situation now that they were on their last seconds.

"What did you say?" Jinhwan asked, as he felt lightheaded. It's nearing, and yet he wasn't feeling afraid. "You weren't supposed to send a second one."

"It was my one last attempt at stopping you." He felt  Junhoe hug him tighter, at the same time that he noticed some dampness on his own shoulders. Junhoe was crying too. "You should've just let me die alone."

 

_ 5 seconds _ .

It's almost impossible to hear what they were saying because of the sounds and honks and screeches that suddenly filled the once comfortable ambiance of the cafe, but still, Jinhwan forced himself to speak one last time.

"I was supposed to die with you, on that day, and now, I'll finally be at peace."

  
  


_ 0 second. _

Jinhwan smiled as he hugged Junhoe closer to him, and then they were hit by an unimaginable force that threw off their chairs. He felt his body react by the sharp pain that suddenly shot from all of his sides, and then he's blacking out.

He had maintained that smile before he completely lost his consciousness, because this was it. This was the ending that wasn't considered a happy ending, but still the ending that he chose to have. This was the ending that he believed that was meant for them at the start, and bearing that last thought on his mind, had erased all the anguish that filled his entire soul in the previous weeks.

This was the ending of their story. The thirty nine endings was horrible, but this, the fortieth one, felt so right.

  
  


_ (-10 seconds _ .)

The old watch disappeared, and Jinhwan's phone blinked a couple of times, before it completely went off.

The last message on the screen was, as expected, from Junhoe, which read as:

" _ Stop trying to save me. Don't come here."  _

_ -received 8:45 AM _

  
  


* * *

  
  


A nameless man continues on moving, unaware of the spell that befalls on all of them, as he proceeds to flip through his newspaper. He puts the newspaper away once done with it and picks up another, completely oblivious to the fact that the numbers, and the pictures  on the headline changes differently.

What used to be  _ one _ became  _ two _ \-- the details of the news changing like a domino effect because of the manipulation of time from Jinhwan's actions.

  
  
  
  


" _ Hey, have you heard about that student who got run off by a car whilst inside the cafe? Poor boy." _

_ "Aren't there two of them?" _

_ "No, just one. He's situated near the window and therefore, received all the impact. The driver was driving under influence too based on the reports." _

_ "It's two of them! See? The newspaper clearly says that two students were found dead on that accident." _

_ "Huh? But I swear I read somewhere too that there was just one student." _

_ "You need to cut down your caffeine, it's affecting the way you see things." _

_ "Yeah, must be it." _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks to unloyalstan who helped me edit this mess and turned this into a presentable (?) fic!


End file.
